The Borsalino test

Humans can't stop doing it to each other. They must validate every relationship they have. Not once, not twice, but over and over again - over the time that a relationship lasts.

The last time you sat with your mates did you notice that one of your pals is slightly off-colour? (s)he is not laughing with the same gusto. You notice it for over an hour and you wanna know why! You ask, but the topic is brushed off. The splinter starts to grow. Am I not good enough for him/her to share the info with me? You need validation. Your pal's problem may not matter after that - it's between you 2 now.

Let's not even go that far. How about a new acquaintance that you meet? You find the person exciting to talk to. You see this person making good conversation with your other frenz. But will (s)he make it to the inner circle? And in comes the test! Its almost involuntary. You observe this person in different settings, with your frenz around, with just you alone, with other people, with strtangers - judging all the time.

In matters of lurv, it's gets even better, or worse if you prefer! You gotta watch every step, every syllable you utter, every excuse you make for not calling through the day(and god help you if you said you were too busy to call), even every call you don't make! There's a question lurking around every corner. And the stupidity of it all is that each one of us wants to pass all the tests. So we strive, we fall in love and we hope to rise. We fall to pitifull depths in an effort to please the other. We lose friends and even family at times. But we console ourselves it is all worth it. Most loves go through this phase. The next time you are going through one, pause and think about it. Passing the test is probably not worth the effort... or even the result - if it can only give you a claustrophobic existence.

However an intelligent conversation that unknowingly becomes a means of validation of another's intelligence and potential can be a positive form of such behaviour.

Yes, we all go through them and all of us subject others to them - all the time! Life is a series of Borsalino tests!

PS: The title was picked up from the novel Shantaram. Read it, if you haven't yet!